Well blogger sphere it has been…a year and a half since we
last talked. I wanted to share our trip to Taiwan to help show that even with
MDD or Major Anxiety Disorder, you can achieve so much with the right methods of
help that work for you. It was one of the biggest accomplishments of my life to
go over seas, and be submerged in a culture that I didn't have a lot of
experience with.
It wasn’t easy though. I knew that at some point I most
likely would have a panic attack especially with jet lag, and constantly touring the city
(even with a few hours of a break in the hottest parts of the day). So I told
Mr.B (which is what I will call my hubby from now on) that if he notices the
signs before I do that we needed a plan.
The plan was that no matter where we were we would stop, go
some where with air conditioning, get something to cool us off, and let me sit
to get myself together enough so we could get back to our hotel. Once at the
hotel I would take a little more of my medicine, take a hot shower to relax my
muscles, let our little one watch a show, and then I would nap.
We were at about our second to last night in Taiwan when it
happened. We had just headed back into the city after taking a day trip out to
the coast. I was really tired, and our cabby who was helping us tour around the
coast, said we could stop and have some lunch…..but then never stopped. I was
really hungry, and it was getting late by the time we got back to our hotel in
Taipei. We asked the receptionist if there was anywhere to eat near by, and he
said there was a street market close. After following his directions that
lead us to a street market half a mile away from our hotel we ended up at the
night market. And you would never believe what triggered the panic attack. It’s
always a combination, but what finally really made it hit was….STINKY TOFU. I
am not even kidding. We were walking down the street trying to find something
edible in a sketch night market late at night. There were tons of people, and I
was overwhelmed. We came to a huge round about as I watched the mopeds
and cars zoom in a dizzying swirl of color while we waited for the signal to cross the street to the night market, I started to feel my muscles get
tense. My mind felt like it was going in a smearing pattern like the lights
of the cars passing by us. To many thoughts going very fast through my mind that even if I wanted to pick just one to focus on it seemed to go by too fast to even capture it. And then I smelled the stinky tofu.
Now most people in Taiwan like this stuff, but it honestly
smelled like sewer and diapers. And when that smell hit my nose, my stomach
just dropped. My husband looked at me and could see my face go slack and white.
My eyes glazed over a little as I processed everything around. Tons of people
in a hot humid environment, and stinky tofu. I was hungry and tired, and this hypnotic
movement of the cars in front of me seemed to set my thoughts spinning.
My husband took our son, who by this time had fallen asleep in his stroller, and I closer to some shops away from it all. Then he told me to look at
him, and breath slowly. He asked if I
felt I had the energy to keep looking for a place to eat, and I just shook my
head looking at him with tears slowly going down my cheeks. I was sad, even
though I knew I would get a panic attack at some point, I was really having
one even though I had been trying to take steps to avoid it. He walked me over to the local 7eleven(which are everywhere and a
blessing), grabbed some snacks and some drinks, and then we headed back to our
hotel. He took care of our little one while I took my shower, and set our
little one up with a show. While I laid there after my shower on the cool
sheets I felt as limp as our humidity drenched clothes. My
husband told me to just stay in the hotel room with our little one, and he
would go find us dinner. He came back a half hour later. There had been a
little restaurant a block away in the opposite direction. Those were honestly
the best dumplings I had ever had.
We aren’t invincible. Even with therapy, medication, and a
plan of action. I still had a panic attack. Compacted with everything going on
that day it was one of the biggest ones I had had in a long time. Thank fully,
I did have a plan. I had talked it over with my husband, and Mr.B being the
wonderful man he is, took action. I am always grateful for that.Over the
next year and a half I was able to cross off more items on my bucket list. I
miss Taiwan. I miss the food, the kindness of the people,
the beauty of the culture, and who I became because of the opportunity to see a
world outside of America.
My advice reader? Do the same. Find an item on your list.
Break it down to manageable steps. Then work toward achieving it. Most
importantly, make manageable steps to help you wherever you are to work
through what ever hurdles you might face, emotionally/mentally. It’s worth it.
No comments:
Post a Comment