Partner

  I was looking at my partner last night as we were falling asleep. That time of night is one that I hold very special. I love being able to look at the person I have decided to spend the rest of my life with. I try to memories the crinkle marks around his eyes and the shape of his lips. I love reliving the moments in my head that made his eyes light up and the laugh rumble deep in his chest. I love knowing that I am sharing those moments with him. Those moments and reliving them are my treasures.

 I am blessed to be with some one who I know feels as awed by the blessing of finding some one who loves them. It's not the hollywood romance drama building to a climax where they may or may not end up together. It's the real life love that is much deeper and meaningful. It's the love where you do something stupid they see it and they just chuckle with you about it. It's the love when you don't feel good, and your grumpy they can be straight forward about how you are acting. They feel like you love and respect them enough to listen when they try to help you adjust your attitude. They know you will do the same for them.
 
For me it was difficult to be open to some one about my depression and anxiety. My partner is a wonderful man, but I didn't know how he would act towards me once I told him. I was worried he would treat it like something you could ignore and it would go away. I was worried he would freak out and not want to date me because he didn't want to deal with some one who had depression. We dated for a long time and I think part of that helped him see what it was like for me when my medication wouldn't work or I was having a panic attack. I think that helped our relationship a lot. I was able to see how he would handle those moments with me and I was able to learn to trust him. We are very open about how we feel and what we think. It was really helpful to be so open because I knew he didn't know how to help and it was something we had to learn together.
 
  As we lay in bed about to fall asleep I began thinking about everything we have gone through and will go through with my depression. Should I take medication while pregnant? After birth? Is my medication really helping? How are my panic attacks doing? I realized that having my partner made it a little easier for me. I learned I wasn't alone and I tried to make sure not to shut him out of how I was feeling and coping. I also realized that it was important to know how he felt. How he was coping. I often felt that it would be good for him to have some one to talk with. He needed a support group just like I needed mine, because when you have depression you aren't the only one being affected by it. Which for a lot of people with depression worrying about how it will hurt the ones they love is the main reason they shut people out. I didn't want to shut him out of my life fearing I would make him sad.
 
  For my husband I decided to look up articles and blogs about the partners point of view who doesn't have depression. I talked to some married friends who deal with Panic disorders/ ADHD/ Bi-polar, and asked them about their husbands. I started to encourage my partner to make friends with them. He found some comfort in learning he wasn't alone.
 
  Today, I am grateful for the relationship we have, because of what we have learned together. Still some times in those moments before bed I think in my heart. " I know that the dishes aren't done, and the house is a mess. I know that I slept in most of the day. I know I ignored the world today. But I promise never to neglect you. I promise I will try after my panic attacks. After my muscles relax my, mind is finally clear, and I don't have to lay still and let the feelings wash over me I promise to hug you, hold you, and give you the same comfort you give me. I promise to let you know that it isn't you triggering things or making it worse. You always, always, make it easier. I promise to make the times that I am doing good, that seem to last weeks or months, seem to be eternity filled with good memories. I promise to listen to your concerns with an open mind and heart. I promise this, because I love you. And I know you promise this to me too." I hope all of you can find some one who you can be so open with. I hope you find people to surround you who see you as the hero you are for dealing with what ever mental hardships you face. I hope you feel loved.

Here is an article I found today that I thought was very eye opening for your partnership:
 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/literally-darling/loving-someone-with-depression_b_4002503.html?ref=topbar